Today has been a total write off.
I spent my morning in Tallaght Hospital completing a glucose tolerance test to see if I have diabetes. It’s a long story, involving polycystic ovaries, an under-active thyroid and lots of arm pricking and lucozade. I had planned to post about my womanly health issues and how they relate to my weight, thinking it would be somewhat cathartic when in fact, being in the hospital hammered home how important my health is. Peter Negative came over and sucked all the life out of me. The results should be back next week and I will definitely be addressing ye olde health of the woman before then. In the meantime, I distracted myself by making plans for my two weeks in London. Hurray! (In two weeks, I’ll be in LDN doing this.)
Now, on to the topic of today: boobs. Girls have them. Some boys have them, but they’re generally referred to as ‘moobs’ or ‘man-boobs’. I also use the phrase ‘moob’ as an abbreviation of ‘mono-boob’, which occurs when ones top/dress lacks the sufficient space up top to cater for the size of ones boobs. As a lady, with boobs, I usually put them inside a bra. But after 12+ years of bra wearing, I’m convinced I’m wearing the wrong size. I don’t feel supported and when I do venture out to find my ideal fitting, boob holder, I follow the same, familiar pattern every time.
Step 1. Go to Marks & Spencer.
No beating around the bush here. There is no way in hell Penneys (Primark) or Dunnes will fit me. I like to think I’m saving myself some mental torture by going to the source.
Step 2. Try find DD+ range as quickly as humanly possible.
You see, the thing with the retail sector is they rely on visual ques to direct us while we are shopping. Obvious, yes? It is so very, very hard to walk in to Marks ‘n Sparks, make it all the long way down the back without being distracted by the sexual, patterned lingerie on the mannequins. It happens every time. They catch my eye. I know they won’t fit, yet I still waste ten minutes riffling through those rails on the off chance there’s a magic mongo-bra. There never is and then I deflate.
Step 3. Muster the strength to browse DD+.
As odd as it sounds, the size I buy – 38 E – is nearly always out of stock. Either they only get a hand few in, or other women, with larger chests are swarming in and grabbing what they can. Something tells me it’s the latter.
Step 4. Deflate and slump towards the granny/sports bras.
Give up. Go find the granny bras. I remember once seeing a stainless steel bra in Marks. I thought it was hilarious. Would it rust your boobs? Maybe it would turn them green like those ‘silver’ rings we all bought when we were kids. Either way, I’d deal with green, rusty boobs if it meant they were supported.
LDN: The Boob Plan feat. Bravissimo
These guys look amazing. I’ve seen their ads on TV and spent many a late night planning my boob attire on their website. They even stock a small line of swim wear and clothing basics to fit the woman who is ruled by her bust.
According to their site: “Bravissimo is a company that provides a wide choice of lingerie and swimwear in D-KK cup, as well as clothing designed especially for big boobed women so that they can celebrate their curves and feel good about themselves!”
Eh, what more could you want? Lovely, modern patterns and shapes. Well, here you go:
Just to put the whole thing in to contrast. This is the bra I’m wearing, (picture below) and my last freak out purchase in M&S.
(It’s specifically for sizes DD-G and I don’t look anything like the model wearing it. Maybe that’s because my boobs actually fall in to the DD-G category.)
Ahem. Possibly, the thing I am most excited about, is being measured.When I was about 17, my Mam forced me to get measured in Marks & Spencer. It was horrific. The bra squished my boobs and they were falling out of the cups. I used to swim with a boy who called it ‘Specky Four Tits’. The woman was obviously blind or about 70 so I’m not sure what we were expecting. Still, it put me off being measured and I’ve just gone in and tried every bra in the place ever since. Thing is, they always seem fine when I’m in there, and uncomfortable once I’m home. Boo-urns. Fingers crossed the Bravissimo Fitting Guide works it’s magic on me.
It’s strange, but having a nice, well fitting bra has become a minor obsession for me. Having something delicious on under your basic tee/jeans combo can apparently make you feel more organised, pulled together, fresher and confident. Who knows, I might also find some jeans while I’m in London so I can really test this theory out.